Aaja ‘Nene’ Nachle!

Movie: Aaja Nachle

Cast: Madhuri, Madhuri, Madhuri and well others...

Rating: ***1/2

3 things to look out for in Aaja Nachle!

1) Madhuri falls in love with a man called “Steve” (Mc.Curry) – A National Geographic photographer, who specializes in Indian and Asian photography. Wonder what Mc. Curry has to say about this!!!

( Note: For the clueless people, Steve Mc. Curry is the famous NGO photographer, who shot the Afghan girl – the one with the purple dress and soulful blue-green eyes)

2) The scene when Madhuri discusses marriage with her to-be husband , she says
“In India most of us get married just once, Do you understand that ? “ SCORE!!!

3) Vinay Pathak’s- Mash of Zorro act …

Ok I gotta stop, before I give away the entire story …..


What are the three best things about Aaja Nachle? Madhuri Dixit , Madhuri Dixit and well…did I mention Madhuri Dixit? Yes, She IS a 40+ mother of two and NO she doesn’t try to hide it. She is definitely not playing a college-student (which many of our Tamil heroes continue to do at the age of 50+)
While Madhuri’s age shows on her face, it has absolutely no effect what-so-ever on her acting or dancing prowess, which is tremendous!

While, it’s worth watching the movie just to see the “original queen bee’ of Bollywood come back with a bang, there is more … Konkona Sen, Kunal Kapoor, Askhaye Khanna (I tried really hard not to like him, but dayem! I end up falling in love with that balding old man agagin!) And the Channel V duo – Ranvir and Vinay!


Madhuri (Dia) a dance choreographer in NYC (cut to flashback - her falling in love with a ‘Gora’ photographer (Ghosh! We are racist), bringing shame upon the family, the family leaving town etc etc .), comes down to her hometown Shamili because her Guruji (the one who taught her to “Deiance” – don’t miss M’s Umercian accent ..) is on his death bed.

Back in Shamili, she realizes her dance school is going to be razed to the ground and her Guruji’s last wish to preserve his place of worship. How madhuri comes up with a plan to outwit the local politicians, the suave MP , building contractor etc. and puts up a
“Laila-Majnu” play with the well artistically-challenged town folk is what makes the rest of the story.

Predictable fare – yet again! If you have been watching movies day once a month for the last 2-3 years of your life, you can figure out what the story is going to be and how the movie will progress. No surprises there.. No great script-writing either..

But I would definitely say .. Watch Aaja at least once .. be it for the songs, or Madhuri’s dancing or simply because of the fact that, refreshingly the movie has no caricatures – no silly villains thirsting for revenge till the end, no extreme mother-daughter crying and sentiment scenes and no ‘bad people’ trying to ruin the climax .. Phew!!

For all you people who actually sat through Om Shanti Om ( I am not even going to mention the people who actually “loved” the movie) and the ones who thought Saawariya was not all that bad – A must watch!

For all the people who actually thinking of taking dance lessons, go watch Aaja- if Madhuri does not have you at your feet at the end of the movie … then well.. Take lessons anyway.. Someday we might all just be able to dance like her :)

After Black it's Blue!

Movie : Saawariya

Cast: Salman Khan, Sonam Kapoor, Rani Mukherjee, Ranbir Kapoor

Rating: Rediff / Sify / Indiatimes : *1/2

My rating: ****


After Black, it is Blue!! Sanjay Leela Bhansali really has a penchant for colours ( or the lack of it)! Saawariya for many reason is like an under-water diving experience, there is blue , blue and well still more blue! Underwater you see fauna of different colours but here the cast, extras and even the table linen is blue!

Flashback! ( mine )

With people trashing the movie left, right and center! An incredible amount of negative publicity and the movie being not-so affectionately being nicknames Saawariya – Sethuporiya ( which means will you die, if translated into Tamil). I was prepared for the absolute worst!!

The first hurdle was finding company, for some reason noone shared my enthusiasm to experiment a bit with an ‘insipid movie which is almost monochromatic’ … lol.. I did find two bakras nonetheless, my poor colleagues, one even dragged her husband! The final verdict however was mixed, one colleague liked it, I loved it and the other detested it!

There is and believe me there definitely is a way to enjoy the movie! Keep in mind the
three characteristic which are unique to Saawariya, put all logic aside , sit back, relax and enjoy the visual splendor!

· Serial-lights!! You see serial lights everywhere, on the roads, under the bridge, inside the waste-paper basket, on the road, near the chicken coop and even under Sonam Kapoor’s skirt!!

· A ghost township! My colleague along with half the world had the same doubt! Where the hell is this town? I have another to add to that doubt, why the hell does it look like a bad matt painting (for all those who don’t understand that term , it’s used to describe the digital imagery you see in fantasy movies). There are boats which move on less than foot of water, people who stand around like zombies , 3 feet wide lakes so on and so forth!

· The time frame- At time you feel like we are in the present day world, there are times where u feel like you are hundred years behind but what you constantly feel is that you stuck in a monochromatic world! Don’t try determining the time frame!

· I DON'T LIKES Rani Mukerjee!! GAWD I DETEST HER ANS HER FAKE CHIRPY VOICE DIALOGUES...FRANKLY..GET A LIFE WOMAN… WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU PLAYING THE ‘FALLEN WOMAN’ … now could you please retire after you impending wedding to Adi Chopra?


So do the move make sense? Absolutely not! But it tugs at your heart strings, every scene has been canned with emotion, with love with passion and that shows!! Yes, every single frame has been tireless made to look visually splendid … and yet.. the same detail hasn’t been rendered to performance and script.

Saawariya is one of those movies where you take home something with you and one of those things is a absolutely, fantastic, superlative performance by Zora Segal! Her act as lilli-pop itself it worth every bit the Rs.120 ticket! The other is this warm fuzzy feeling, the one who get while hugging you teddy bear . Ranbir Kapoor does look gay but there is a certain sincerity in his performance which melts you.

Contrary to reports “you are NOT assaulted but he music” . The songs are simple, melodious, fabulously choreographed. However what I was pleasantly surprised by is that the songs were all delightfully short, never more than 3 minutes, always leaving us
( atleast me) asking for more.

While Ranbir is a fabulous dancer the same can’t be said about his attempt to act but I am sure he will learn with time, Anyways since when does talent determine success in bollywood ? Sonam on the other hand, is refreshingly un-perfect looking ! I made a few catty comments about hoe she need a lip-job done and a few tweaks on her face but she is an ordinary looking woman well cast in the role, which she plays ..eeeeerrrrrrr. ummmmmmm….. well to the best she can!

The story is a simple innocent boy-meets girl tale. A wandering minstrel falls in love with a fair maiden on a lonely bridge. He falls madly in love with her only to realize she has given away her heart to another man, who she waits for tirelessly. He bowls her over with his charm and exuberance but will she falter ? Will she give up her love for the young man who sweeps her off her feet??? Watch Saawariya to find out !!

If you want a second opinion ( a rather contrasting one at that ) read Neeraja’s blog
(the one who hated it !) http://whatifeel-neeraja.blogspot.com/

P.S. I say watch the movie, leave logic behind and get lost in a mesmerising, monochromatic azure melange’.

ATM - Arruvai Tamil Mokkai !!

Movie: Azhagiya Tamil Magan

Cast: Good Vijay, bad Vijay and dumb blonde’ Shriya

Rating: hahahahahahahahahaah – What’s that agagin ???

ATM stand for Arruvai Tamil Mokkai


My problem really is optimism. After having seen Saawariya and Om Shanti Om, I decided masala works best with a Tamil ‘mass’ hero. Besides, I had seen the worst, so why worry?

Unfortunately I was wrong (yet again!). Vijay’s two worst movies are easily Sivakasi and Sachin, Now for all those you have seen or even heard of these movies.. Extract the mokkai value of both these movies, multiply it by 20 and cube it.. You will get a ball-park figure on how “Kadi” Azhagiya Tamil Magan is !!

The highlight of the movie is definitely his punch line : Pinni pedal yeduthuduvain
(literally translated into : I will plait you and remove your pedal .. and no it does not make sense in the Tamil context either .. so don’t even bother!!! ) But then what the hell.. When have punch dialogues ever made sense? Also the chemistry or lack of it between Vijay and Shriya is worth a deko, especially for men who like to fantasize about women with perfect abs, loads of moolah and ‘kaarpu intact’ chasing them around.

My north Indian friend wanted to know what the hell the movie was named Azhagiya Tamil Magan” – which btw literally translated in “beautiful Tamil son” , when the protagonist Vijay is not by any standards known for his well.. eeerr inherent good looks!! I wait too.. Watching ( almost ) the entire movie .. For that one little clue!!
But naaahhh!!!

I should kick myself for calling Om Shanti Om unbelievable!! If OSO is unbelievable, then ATM is just ridiculous! Two Vijay’s .. one good and one bad ( obviously!!) .. The story is a two-liner… The good Vijay meets and falls in love with Shriya but then develops ESP where he can see the future and in his (ahem!) mind’s eye sees himself killing Shriya. Dejected and afraid, he leaves the city only to see a body double ( who despite being born and brought up in Bombay speaks flawless Tamil with local Chennai accent intact’ ) . It suddenly strikes him that the body double would be the person killing Shriya and hence begins to chase him while the Bad Vijay escapes and reaches Chennai where Shriya mistakes him for the good Vijay !( obviously!!) (Phew!)

In well true Vijay style, the good Vijay (who meets with an accident) runs away from the hospital only to come back to Chennai to rescue his lady-love from the bad Vijay! Well, the torture doesn’t stop there, Shriya (who is as dumb as she looks) has a knack of choosing the wrong Vijay over the right own, until she finally discovers who her true lover is while keeping her ‘kaarpu’ (chastity) as Saakshi (witness) … sigh!!! And we thought those movies went out of vogue in the 80’s…But no the climax doesn’t end there.. Shriya lying wounded in the hospital tells the bad Vijay about how she is not sad that her life is hanging in a balance but is happy that her “kaarpu’ ( sigh!!!!!! Leave the darn thing alone .. will you ) has been saved for her true love.. The bad Vijay who heard her moving Kaapu speech decides to turn over a new leaf while the lovers live happily ever after!

If the movie doesn’t sound bad enough, wait till you are assaulted by A.R Rahman’s music.. and insipid art-direction and third-rate animation!! Of course if you are the type who likes Shriya’s belly-button, well the director has definitely done a lot of justice to showcasing that, just wish he took as much trouble while canning the scenes.

On the whole, ATM is worth 120 rupees of the ticket , if you watching in INOX since the seats are comfortable, but don’t attempt buying the flavorless popcorn for Rs. 40, because the movie is definitely not a cent more!!

P.S I just gave Om Shati Om , four stars after watching ATM

Oh Shitty Oh!!

Review: Om Shanti Om

Cast: Shah Rukh Kahn, Deepika Padukone, Shreyas Talpade and everyone who is anyone in Bollywood except ice-princess Aishwarya Rai

Rediff / Sify rating: ****

My rating: * ( barely!)

With more masala than 5 Vijay movies put together, more unbelievable than Rajini’s stunts and a script slimmer than Shilpa Shetty’s waist, the optimist that I am .. I still find five reasons to watch the movie!

5. The Deewanagi song, it’s a visual treat to see all the stars grace the screen together in one frame.

4. Shreyas Talpade!! Sigh!! Now only if he weren’t married!! Superlative performance
( as usual)

3. This is for the men !! Deepika’s legs
She shows a lot of them .. No matter what she wears, you can see them in every second frame !! Don’t expect her acting to be on the same caliber of the legs though! You will be sorely disappointed. Also look out for the song where she romances yesteryear’s stars in a very bad VFX job .. you can totally make out the super-imposition using After Effects & Shake ( yes !! I am showing off here ) but fun nonetheless…

2. So that you can stare in awe at how SRK invested 40 crores of his money in such shit!! And actually expects to make a profit over and above this!! Hahahaha

1. So that we South-Indians will make a fitting reply to anyone who ever dares make fun of a Rajini movie !!


So what exactly was Farah Khan thinking? She supposedly penned the script on Andrew Loyd Webber’s letterhead when she on a holiday . I can see why! The entire script won’t take more than half a letterhead and definitely had to be written when one was high!!

Watching Om Shanti Om, you can actually count the good moments!!
The movie opens up with a extremely plastic, artificial looking film set of Shubash Ghai’s Karz and yes it’s a delight to watch Rishi Kapoor roller-blading to the yesteryear hit tune of Om Shanti Om, in true filmi ishtyle… the Rishi Kapoor metamorphs into SRK himself … and well the dream is cut short … very nice for an introduction scene, but when the entire first half is stretched on a smilar note, you tend to get irritated. Very irritated!!!

Om Prakash Makeja ( Shah Rukh) is a small-time film extra who is insanely in love with super-star , dreamy girl ( good one that !! ) Shantipriya (Deepika padukone) . He is her biggest fan and would without batting an eyelash give up his life for her (yes yes, how original I say !) which predictably Deepika overhears and she hence develops a soft spot for Om. A few rendezvous and a magical date( literally, with much snow and some good special effects ) later, Om to his shock and surprise find out that Deepika is actually married to the rich, ruthless Mukesh ( Arjun Rampal … Oh so hooooooooooottt!!! )… Did actually expect the big star to be in love with him, after a few hi-byes??? Arjun doesn’t want to acknowledge his marriage to her, because he feels her market as a heroine will suffer a downfall! (even more creative this one !! ) Despite being a big star . Deepika still hold the traditional values of Sindhoor ( Yaaaawnn ! ) in high esteem and she forces Arjun to marry her, because she is (Gasp!) carrying his child !!

A furious Arjun tricks her into thinking he loves her ( Note: exceptionally predictable dialogue follows ( vaguely translated into English )
Deepika : You love me !! I am sorry that I didn’t trust you!!
Arjun: You should be sorry that you trusted me !! I am now going to burn you along with this film set!!
Deepika : Nahiiiiiii ( nooooo !!!!) Nahhhhhhhhhiiii !!


This, unfortunately is not a lift from a B-grade gangster movie but the nail-biting suspense which leads us to a much-required interval. Yaaay ! Atleast I have popcorn to keep me company through the rest of the movie! Also, I made the mistake of thinking.. the movie cudn’t get worse, so it would definitely get better !!

Post interval – Cut to 30 years after !


Om Makeja is reborn as superstar ( Om Kapoor) ! Well obviously Shah Rukh is Om Kapoor and the fact that he has the same face as the junior artist who died so many years ago and absolutely no resemblance whatsoever to his father-and mother .. well !! noone bats an eyelid ! What bothered me the most about he second half was Shah Rukh’s cool act! We have seen enough of it ! It was refreshing in DDLJ, it was passable in Kuch Kuch Hota Hain but it is just done to death now !! Pleaseeeeeeee…….. We don’t want to hear more of your fake accent and the swagger just doesn’t suit you at 45+!!

Of course, since SRK is reborn… Deepika is rebon too as “sandy” , a model from banglore ( yaaaaaaaaaay .. sooooo original Farah .. how did you zone on B’lore?)
The rest of the story is about how Om (the reborn one) and Sandy ( who looks exactly like Deepika but has absolutely no relation what so ever to her ! ) get back at Arjun Rampal for killing them!! Sigh!!

This wafer thin story-line is peppered with numerous star-appearance ( I am sure all those stars are thinking their lucky stars , that their involvement with the film was limited to a special appearance) and well more unbelievable stunts !! There are a few moments which are funny , Esp. SRK’s bit as Mohabatman and the mock Filmfare award ceremony but certainly nothing which can make the tortuous 1 hr 18 minute second half more bearable.

You wait till the end for the movie to get sensible, but well.. There is a twist ! The third Deeepika!! I am not going to tell you who that is, so that you can hope for something more original than what occurs… but you will be disappointed!!

As for the music!! Well the pick of the lot - Ajab Si is reduced to something of a background score and Dard-E-Disco makes absolutely no impact whatsoever, unless you fancy old men jumping around with half-naked women dressed in fur and leather!!

On the whole, I would say this is definitely a movie I would send my pesky little sister to, so that she can pay for sins, or better still send a couple of tickets to an ex who you can’t stand. A sure way to make them pay for their sins ..