Alone and no idea why !!

Have u ever felt alone ??Really ? Have you ?? Felt an emptiness inside you ?? Something which noone can fill ??? Not yr best friends , not your parents and sometimes not even yr husbands, boyfriends etc etc etc …Well , If u have read-one and if you haven’t I should say congratulations .. u are very very very very lucky !!!

Well , I fall under the first category … there are these days .. These days when u feel so lost, lonely, alone, down, sad, unsatisfied…. and the worst part is that you have absolutely no idea why !!You don’t feel like talking to people , you don’t feel like well doing anything and then everything u eat begins to feel like cardboard , you stare blankly at the screen ( computer, television ) , a 50 songs have passed on yr I-pod and u still think you are listening to the same one you heard an hour ago !! The u lift yrself with super-human effort and go to the loo and sit there for hours staring at the ceiling, looking the tiny cracks the cob-web which was due to be cleaned over a month ago, well then u slowly graduate to the couch in the living room … stuff yr face with everything possible unhealthy ( cheese fries , coke, chocolate)..and just crash there for the rest of the day. Occasionally flipping thru all the channels on TV with the same dead-pan expression and a boredom without limits.

The next day however you wake up, totally fresh, happy and normal with absolutely no trace what so ever of the previous except for the recollection of a sad waste of a whole day ( 24 hrs ) and this continues except for every once in a while this redundant, lonely, sad day pops in !!

Tell me, do you know why this happens?? and you think there will ever be a person who has that much control as to sway yr emotions make you happy and smile despite it being “one of those days”- honestly I don’t!! Well I have had some of the happiest time with my friends who have been my strength, support, joy and always been thr even during the slightest forewarning of misery but yet during one of these days “I JUST DON’T WANNA TLAK ABOUT IT” because I don’t know what the heck that feeling is … ppl trying to help gets on my nerves and I just wanna be left alone to wallow in my own misery and sorrow .Tell me if we are really so happy and thrilled with life .. and the course it is taking .. then WHY DOES THIS FEELING COME ? WHY WHY WHY ???

I don’t think I will ever know but I know those days , those days when it is just “one of those days” , those days which is worse then PMS , worse than a metallica concert with a head-ache .. those days … days which we all go through and never know why !!

Lessons I learnt !!( The hard way )

Long time , no blog ….

After what has effectively been the worst week of my 21- yr old life, m back to write abt how the experience made me a wiser and well ugh.. more mature person !

Well here are the lessons I learnt :

#1 CINDERELLA – IS A FAIRY TALE !! NO SUCH THINGS HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE AND YES .. FAIR GOD-MOTHER – DO NOT –EXIST !!


#2 YOU CAN FOOL SOME OF THE PEOPLE , ALL THE TIME AND ALL
THE PEOPLE SOME OF THE TIME BUT U CANT FOOL ALL THE PEOPLE
ALL THE TIME 1 ( o believe me … very very profound this statement )


#3 WELL U CAN WANNA DO A THOUSAND THINGS , BUT U AINT GETTING NOWHERE DOING THEM , UNLESS U GET ON ARSE AND ACTUALLY DO THEM !! U GOTTA WORK IF U WANT STUFF TO HAPPEN


#4 WELL , DO NOT ASSUME STUFF .. U MIGHT BE THE MOST CHARMING,INTELLIGENT,SUPER BEING ON EARTH BUT BELIVE ME NOT EVERYONE SHARES YR OPINION … eerrrr actually noone does !!



#5 SOMETIMES .. THE BEST WAY OUT IS TO JUST SHUT UP !!
( Actually make that all the time !! )
( no actually make that lesson no.1 ! )

Aishwarya Bachan or Aishwarya Rai Bachan ??????

Aishwarya Bachan or Aishwarya Rai Bachan ??????

Yes, If you were wondering what the hell that was all about trust me so was I ! I really shouldn’t be complaining because afterall my job involves watching movies , watching movies and well watching move movies and while I am at it I also read-up on celeb gossip and yes , I do get paid for doing exactly that !!

Yeah my friends have cursed me , abused me , told me how lucky I am a million times over and over again but frivolity of the whole thing is really getting to me ! Honestly, not that I don’t enjoy reading the celeb-gossip column in Deccan Chronicle everyday and yes I definitely have read both Stardust and Filmfare more than once but seriously the we give celebs and their lives way toooo much importance.

So coming back to the topic, believe me , very recently this was the topic of discussion fro the day in one of India’s leading news websites , will Aishwarya call herself Aishwarya Bachchan or Rai Bachchan after her impending marriage to Abishek ??? Honestly, when I saw it as the discussion forum for the day, I was thinking to myself, who the hell cares, she could probably call herself Muniyama after her wedding … but then that cheap lil voice inside me ( yeah yeah the same one which makes me do all the wrong things ) , made me go back and check the forum next day and the topic had a whooping 976 posts !!

Of course, me being well.. Me , I just had to go back and check on the previous topics , well , most of them were filmi and lot of them trashing the cricket team but when I looked into a discussion forum relating to Citizen Bang lore , the no. of posts were a disappointing 92 !!!! Well , that got me ! So, what is it with voyeurism, what is it about celebs or for that matter anyone, why is it that we (me included )are so so interested in what everyone other than us wears, eats , how much they make , what they do , what their third aunt six times removed gifted them !! why !!If we prob exercised one-tenth of that concern in issues relating to our environment and society, well we would have progressed so much .

Well, not that I should really be one to talk because as I type this blog I am working on my next assignment which is researching on “Where Celebs holiday “ .. sigh !!!!

Am I superficial ?????

Well honestly I am one of "those women" , yeah the same type looks down on the well-dressed , well-kept types and says things like " God knows how much she spent in the beauty parlour" or "I'm sure she has the brains of a butterfly" . You could probarbly put Madam Curie in trendy boots and a well cut shirt and I am sure I will be just as prejudice. Well to drive home the point , I am also one of those people who takes a peverse pleasure in well 'un-maintaining" myself ( yes that includes , having a bath once in two days , brushing my hair one a week and being on a strict "junk-food" diet).For all this , I brand myself as not-superficial , then I go on to say "well take me as I am because this is what I am ". But then really am I really not superficial ? or am I just trying to hide my insecurity or maybe that fact that I am incredibly superficial behind this facade ???

Well , coming to why I really thought of this .. I went through my blog last night and found the below comment

Anonymous said...
hey gud work.. i like the way u've expressed urself..but u seem to be writing a lot on physical appearances [urs especially!!:)] ........

and then I realised , for someone who is staunchly not superficial why do I keep writing about physicial appearences , seriously ... If someone were to ask me what is the one thing I would like to change in myself - though my reply would be something like " my temper , or I would really like more patience" the little voice inside me would definitely keep saying " my nose , my nose, my nose " So cmoing back to the question ,Are we all superficial ???? though we claim so much not to be ? Do we all secretly admire ourselves in the mirror ?? So we all secretly fret over - ears which are too big or noses which are too blobby ?? Even us the ones who , well ... have a bath once a week ...

comeing back to Anonymous .. the latter half of his/her comment was :

PS- i was jus readin ur 'abt me" n realised u've picked topics where u've discussed bein fat,short,clumsy n i wonder if the next one's abt havin a bath once a week! hehe

well , yeah ... it is :D

Me , Myself and My Sari

As any other respectable south-Indian Iyengar girl , the first thing , I should have probably done at the age of 16 , is well learn how to wear a sari !!Well , I did ... I swear I really really did ... I lover sari's and for some weird reason they end up looking incredibly elegant and unbelievably beautiful on every single woman other than yours truly ...

I dunno ,what exactly it is about me and my sari but for some weird reason It just refuses to stay in place for more than a total of 10 mins ..Of course for the first 2-3 times , I happily put the blame on my mother and told her that she just cudnt tie a sari which stood on me for more than 10 mins , and then when she finally gave up , I blamed a bunch of friends , aunts , cousins etc.etc but that elusive sari never stood still .

I have had my own experiences with each of my sari's , the green one is Ms. Slippery Slip ( named after the slide down the faraway tree from my favorite Enid Blyton series ) , well I dunno if the sari is jinxed or what , but unbeliveably I slipped a total for 58 times during my school farewell party , ( yes yes , that included slipping on stage , spilling oil from the lamp we were made to carry and generally making the stage slippery for all after me )

The Blue one is nick-named " meen kaari " ( well yeah , that wuz my nickname for a long long time ) This time when I was assuming a post in the college student union , well my sari just HAD TO GIVE WAY THE PRECISE MOMENT I WALKED ON STAGE well I really cudnt have continued walking up , Could I ? so I bundled up the entire sari (in skirt included) and lifted it and walked up on stage with the audience letting out a collective GASP of horror ... and it definitely didnt help that my aunt who also happened to be the principal of the college - WELL GLARED AT ME - SIGH ! NEVER MIND , well thank goodness for it being a women's college .

Of course , my most recent incident has been Ms.Peek-a-Boo , M not even going to dwell on this one , but well , A very good friend's brother was getting married and all my friends decided to wear ( guess what !! ) a sari !! sigh !! of course bad enough me being the pigmy hippo I get mistaken for a 10 -yr old ... so well , I put up this brave front and said , yeas yeas sari is good ... sigh !!!! little did I know !!!!!

Well , all that being said , I havent given up as yet ... with more determination than ever I embark on yet another journey today ( I am wearing a sari to office !!! ) .. so will let u know how that one goes , now all I need is a Hug and someone to say "All the Best "

The life of a Pigmy Hippo !

Well , to give the devil it's due credit - the term Pigmy Hippo was first coined on September 1 2006 by a close friend . Of course this came into being , when I made the mistake of asking him who I resembled ( of course I expected something like Bipashu Basu or Kajol ) but no ,he had to come up with this creative (according to him ) description and he came up with Pigmy Hippo !!

Well , The Hippo bit I could understand well errrr mostly because I have a rather ball shaped nose with big nostrils and well , my current size does well resemble a Hippo ( in certain ways ) but the Pigmy bit is rather unforgivable !! A little over 5 feet I would definitely consider myself the height of the average Indian woman and Pigmy !! well is just pushing it . Anywayz , he wuz above 6 feet 2 himself and a good Friend and all so I let it pass.

Well , It wasn't really dat bad until my own mother !! my own flesh and blood , went and bought Junior Complan for me @ the age of 20 saying that I have to grow taller and now forces me to drink it three times a day :D oh yes I do get a host of advice from my Grandmother ( even she is taller than me !!! ) and she thinks if I hang from a window for 10 minutes everyday my bones and muscles will stretch and I will grow taller !!( yes yes , wnt it be fun if i just fall off the window pane now ???)

Well even this I can take but every time I switch on televsion it is almost as if the stupid TV is mocking me !!!It always plays juts one programme and thats TSN and for some weird reason the only one product I alwayz see advertised are :yeah yeah ! "The grow taller slippers" - a pair of rubber chappal looking things with some magnets strewn in between and it claims that 'the magnetic induction will increase the working on such-and-such muscles and increase growth by 4 inches in just 2 months ( yeah right ! and I am Andrea the gaint) , Of course this is again validated by some hot model who says that she never got her big break in the industry until she she used "magic slippers" and grew tall !!! sigh !! - a la Fair and lovely !

The list dosen't end , I can barely reach the clutch in my car !!My gym instructor stifles a giggle each time he setz the exercise cycle height to level (ummm 0)!! Yeah and for some weird reason I alwayz end up with a six-footer right in the seat in front of me at movie theatres !

Well , I should say my size has it's perks too , I still remember fining a 2nd year student Rs.500 while I was in the Student Council for ragging me , thinking I was a fresher when I was in my final year ( evil smirk - SWHEEEEEEEET REVENGE!) and I also love the way I can scare people with my voice (for some weird reason people think size and voice have some sort of co-relation) , I can still go jump on a bouncing castle ( hehehehe I still stand below the requisite height bar )and yeah everyone thinks I am this sweet , little girl who needs to be protected from the big, bad world ! ( hehehehehehehe - How true I say !!!)

Anyway , so well back to my friend ,I gave him a dirty look and screamed and stomped and shouted how rude !!! but I secretly liked the name and so my blog is named hence :D of course as someone recently told me "itz not size which matters but how well you use it" !!

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Fire dance 1995 (Oil Pastels)

my first attempt at abstract and
also the closest to my heart , I think at that point of time I was just trying to achive movement
through abstract strokes .

"Abstract art is a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
Al Capp






I doodle occassionally and make the odd little sketch on the back of a napkin... unlike Picasso restaurants tell me they'd prefer the cash though!

Roger Moore


MS- Colour pencils on textured paper - 2003





Every portrait that is painted with feeling is
a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.

Oscar Wilde

Man-Dry Pastel and ink on paper 2000


Still not sure , if this is a portrait or abstract , think
this one to me more represents the emotion behind the idea than the visual behind .






Baby Croc - Colour Pencil - 2003

My first and I think only sketch on which I spent
more than 1 hour , took me almost 2 and half hours.